I listen to the Velvet Underground and smoke...

2001-11-22T09:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving. I am so stoned...let me tell you. Gotta get my munchies on before I dig in. Anyway, I've been having some very deep thoughts on life and love and shit and thus:

Hey
You know you're gonna
hafta give an inch
One of these days
I know that life's a bitch
But everythings gotta change
And how will you survive
if you're barely getting by
Fucked up on some high

I know its hard for you
To want reality
But it's the only way
You're gonna be next to me

And tell me
Isnt that what matters
That if everything should shatter
There will still be us

I know what you're going through
I'm here walking beside you
Just open your eyes to what lies ahead
It's better burnt, but it's not better dead

2001-11-11T14:27:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I feel like shit. I think...nah. Nevermind me. I'm just whacked.

A poem is in order! If you consider my drivel poetry. Ha.

I like movies
Cause...
Movies are good
I like music
Cause...
Music is good...
I like you
Cause...
You're fucking beautiful
And...
So damned gifted
I wish and I wish
That...
You thought we'd be good together

2001-10-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

Untouchable Face- Ani Difranco

This song embodies my own pathetic unrequited love to a freakish extent. So this is for YOU-everything is, you know.

think im going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy, y'know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it
but you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign in the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
and the radio is counting down
the top twenty country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip
is waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say

except fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

i see you and im so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

2001-10-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

Saviour
( subtitle: i guess love doesnt die, even if you do)

I need to hear your voice
But you're not home
And I wonder do you know me anyway
Do you know how alone
I am in this
And I just missed
Sharing with you
Your pieces of heaven
And mine of hell

Something wicked this way comes
I can't begin to describe
All the levels of numb
Still my mind
It finds the time
To love you
Yearn to be free
From this secrecy
Find some way
Back to me
Through you
The only way.
Light bringer
Soul freer
Run away with me
Until I am better
And I can ask of nothing more

2001-10-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

fuck the world. fuck the world. fuck the world. repeat. repeat. repeat.

Death whispers, " I am coming"

You left me
When you died on the floor
High as a kite
I just might
Slit my wrists
If this isn't the end
Of this
Hell
I thought we were unstoppable
Well
You died on the bathroom floor
Are you coming back for more
Fuck and you-
Run away
You need to stay
In the cocoon for a long time
And maybe by then
They won't be so sad that I died
That day
And you lived
To walk the way
You walked before
I died that day
So you could come back for more
Tell me " no more"
Tell me " no more"
If I die too, will this settle the score

2001-09-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

And now for something completely different...actually it's just a poem. So fuckin' there.

"There's no cure for suicide!" Oysterhead ( Just thought I'd put that quote here. Dark scary thoughts. Aack...where the
fuck is my stuffed dolly and my blankie)

you piss me off
with your sweet sincerity
just shut the fuck up
you'll never be here for me
when i really need you
youre never there
when I bleed
when I cry
when I snort
when I smoke
when I lash out
and choke on my own words
youre my whole world
but you dont know a goddamn thing
youre so naive

2001-09-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

September something or other

Run, run, run, run, run...
Good song
I wish I could
Just move along

Forget your name
How it feels on my tongue
Forget your face
And how it makes me numb

Inside-
outside-
Myself
I wish I could place
You in a glass case
To covet as my own

But you don't belong
I wish I could move along
Alone
But I'm not going

Ill just stare at your picture
And wallow in my pain

I suck at writing. Note that immediately. Oh fucking well. We're all gonna die anyway...